Flirting and relationships The

October 17, 2003



Flirting and relationships

The Washington Post has a nice article on the role of flirtation in modern youth culture.

This ties into my earlier thoughts about romance as the new edge play. There is a very real thrill to a conversation, a lingering brush of the hand, or to eye contact across a room.

Looking back over what I wrote, and over Carly's reading, I realize that two words that I thought were partially overlapping synonyms turn out to be technical terms. "Erotica" appears to be the publishing industry term for written words intended to produce some level of sexual arousal, while "Porn" is images and moving media. I was using the terms as they are found in Academe, where "porn" is material that is solely intended to produce sexual arousal while "erotica" produces sexual arousal in addition to having some artistic, cultural, or political value. So, D.H. Lawrence would be filed under erotica, a Beeline double novel under written pornography.

Under the same criteria, the mainstream movie 9 1/2 weeks would be erotica, pretty explicit but still erotic, while the porn knockoff 10 1/2 weeks would not be. That, of course, leaves the question of how do you file a movie that has both artistic value and graphic sex - imagine that say Henry and June was a little more hardcore. But, that is the problem with ideal types - there is always a grey area in real life.

How does this connect to the death of flirtation and to romance as edge play? Simply in the realization that sometimes, often, emotions are more powerful than physical pleasures. Or, from another perspective, desire is highly compelling. Desire is created from feelings, emotions, and anticipation - the imagination of future physical pleasure. It is a mental state. And, while lots of people will say that the most important aspect of sexuality is internal and mental, it is rare to see that art of sexuality, especially the commercial art of sexuality, take these mental aspects into account.

So, what is our application for todays little rant? Do something nice for your sweet baboo, just because. And, while you are at it, take some time to flirt with them. I think that, tonight at dinner, I shall distract the baby, take J's hand in mine, kiss her hand, and tell her I love her. That would please me, it might please her.

And back to work.

Posted by Red Ted at October 17, 2003 09:46 AM | TrackBack