Slept 4:30 to 7:30.

June 20, 2003


Slept 4:30 to 7:30.

I was tired, but I did not want to go to bed. When I finally did go to bed, it only took about 15 minutes to fall asleep; if I had gone down earlier it would probably not have taken more than 25 minutes to go to sleep. Now I am tired and semi-functional.

So why do I stay up so late? Part of it is that I do dreadfully dislike going to bed and not sleeping. But I seem to be more likely to stay up late when I am unhappy or upset. Am I afraid that my mind will get into a negative feedback loop and replay my bad feelings as I am trying to sleep? That has happened once or twice and it was not fun. Or might it be that when I am feeling depressed and not-so-capable something in me wants to go self-indulgent and sabatoge my tomorrow, thus giving me an excuse for being not-so-capable? If that is the case then I will have trouble breaking that cycle. I don't want to think of myself as that mentally fragile.

Sam has a fever, he is home this morning. I slept in, walked baby and dawg, and fed breakfast to the menagerie. Baby was looking sleepy so he is taking a nap, I checked email and am off to shower.

Doctor wants us to observe him this morning and call back after lunch. If all is well, J and baby will go to the shore this weekend.

To do today:
return university library books
hit county library, return some pick up others
WRITE - I want to get a revised intro of chapter 4 to Joe so I can spend the weekend working on chapter 2.
The cleaners come at 2:30 this afternoon
If I go to the doctor, I will buy coffe as long as I will be near our roaster.

And so for my shower.

Posted by Red Ted at June 20, 2003 10:01 AM | TrackBack